


make me honestly feel like i'm in love

by sweetlovie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Friends With Benefits, Romance, Some angst, and i haven't written a fic in a long ass time, i'm a little rusty but, inspired very loosely by ariana grande and social house's song boyfriend, lowkey this fic is a mess, pls read and enjoy it, profanity !!, slight excessive various use of the word 'fuck' so beware lol, so pls don't entirely hate it, sorta??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23115484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetlovie/pseuds/sweetlovie
Summary: a motherfucking trainwreck is one way to describe the relationship kuroo and you share. a fic partially inspired by the ariana grande and social house song 'boyfriend'
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader
Kudos: 83





	make me honestly feel like i'm in love

**Author's Note:**

> reiterating that this is a kuroo x reader fic which is very very VERY loosely inspired by ariana grande & social house’s song ‘boyfriend’ for my girlie shar! i was listening to the song and it made me think of the mess that is this fic so when i say very very VERY loosely, i mean it lol. anyways, love you angel <3 hope you all enjoy this liddo fic!
> 
> ps: i know absolutely nothing about dance or high school dance competitions in japan so pls don’t come for me for not knowing lol i’m gonna try to keep the dance things to a absolute minimum so i don’t make a fool out of myself

You had managed to attend the majority of your three years at Nekoma quietly and happily enough. Majority being the key word. You were grateful for your friends, the dance club you were a part of and became captain of, and, you suppose you were grateful for Kuroo Tetsurou. He was the reason why majority was the key word. 

You’re not entirely sure how or why your and Kuroo Tetsuou’s paths crossed, much less in your final and third year of high school, especially seeing as both of you were in different level college preparatory classes, but you think it’s not all that horrible considering his lips are currently moving against the column of your neck leaving blooming purple flowers. His large hands are gripping your hips tightly, pulling you even impossibly closer to him. Your fingers are tangled in his surprisingly soft bed head hair, small breathy moans escaping your lips as he continues his assault on your neck.

Don’t misunderstand the situation. You and Kuroo are most certainly not together, despite how close your bodies are pressed together, despite the warmth pooled in your lower stomach, despite the ache between your thighs, despite the disheveled appearance as he pulls his lips away from your neck, despite the heavily lidded eyes with desire. 

Whatever the two of you have going on right now, has only been going on for one month. Your interactions together began three months ago when the school year began. You watch him watch you, his amber eyes dark as he takes in his handiwork to your neck. His eyes go lower to where the top three buttons of your uniform were unfastened, exposing the top of your breasts and the black lace bralette they were encased in. 

“You look absolutely ravishing kitten.” Kuroo says in a low voice, and you try so hard not to whimper at the low tone of his voice and the endearing nickname he began to call you ever since you became acquainted. You take in the tall boy in front of you, his tie discarded and the buttons of his shirt unfastened down to his middle, exposing his hard chest and abdomen. 

Kuroo Tetsurou was sinful and he would say the same for you as he admired the hickies that littered your neck, your exposed chest, and his hands that were gently gripping your thighs from under your skirt. 

Your phone beeps with a notification before you could even respond to him, effectively breaking the heady bubble you two were in. You grab your phone to see messages from your dance club group chat and as you read through the messages, you notice how late it has gotten. Make-out sessions in empty classrooms well after the school day was over had become far more frequent than it should have. Your priorities were dance, studying for exams and getting into Todai, and, as addictive kissing Kuroo was, you needed to put a stop to it before it affected your priorities. 

“Everything okay?” Kuroo asks. 

You hum as you put the phone away in your bag and begin to button up your shirt. You flicker your eyes up at him and gently push him away from where he was standing in between your legs. He steps back and leans against the window, observing you as you hop off the desk you were perched on.

“Yeah, I just need to get home. I have to finish choreographing a few dances for the competition.” 

You had no doubt your hair was mussed, so you run your fingers through it as you speak to him, noticing he was beginning to button up his shirt as well. Even just buttoning his shirt up, he looked absolutely sinful. It really wasn’t fair. 

“I most likely won’t be able to meet you after school from now on, I really need to focus. Plus, you should be focusing on your volleyball team too. You guys are aiming for Nationals.” 

You managed to set your hair and are more composed. Looking up at Kuroo, he towers over you considerably. His shirt has been buttoned and he has his tie dangling around his neck. 

“Yeah, but-”

You cut him off, “It’s fine Kuroo, we should be focusing on our classes and respective teams and I know that you guys want to win at Nationals and my team wants to win at our final competition as well. We’re busy and it certainly wouldn’t hurt to focus on what’s more important.” 

Your fingers deftly and quickly straighten out and tie his tie. After securing the knot so it hangs loosely around his neck, you brush your hand over his shoulders and give him a small smile.

“Hey, let me talk.” Kuroo says lazily as he sits on a desk and pulls you close to him. One hand on your hip, the other hand tucks under your chin to lift it up so you meet his gaze. Golden eyes gaze into yours warmly.

“Thank you for wanting to be considerate of me and the team, but I’d like to think of you as something of equal importance as well. I want to see you, kitten.” 

You bite the bottom on your lip and his thumb immediately brushes against it softly. He’s staring at you with a look in his eyes that you can’t decipher and it’s unsettling. 

“Hm...alright.” You say, but internally your mind is sending blaring sirens to your heart. Abort mission. Pull away. Abort mission. 

All you can think is that the two of you are merely acquaintances, maybe even tentative friends...with benefits, but nothing more. Nothing more, and you were more than okay with that. Or so you liked to tell yourself. 

He was the one that suddenly appeared in your life, oozing charm, wit, and sensual energy. He was the one who would come over to your class during lunch hour to see you even if it was momentarily. He was the one who would tease you endlessly, although most of the time you ignored it. It was all his doing. 

He barged into your life and now, now, your heart is thudding in your chest and your mind is willing it to calm down because Kuroo Tetsurou doesn’t have time for anything more, especially not with you. 

You steel yourself and set your mind to keeping away from him, you have to pull away from him, because you don’t want to deal with what both your heart and mind are actually saying. 

x

It’s two weeks after you’ve decided to distance yourself from Kuroo, and while you miss having his lips on yours, you think what you miss most is his sarcasm, wit and endless teasing. His favorite thing to tease you about was your height. The height difference between the two of you was massive, but what you lacked in height, you made up for with your retorts when he would tease you.

The odd relationship the two of you shared was something you had become comfortable with. He had become so present in your life in the short three months you had gotten to know him and you missed him. You missed his teasing, his intelligence, his warmth, his sly golden eyes, his presence.

And that was how you knew you needed to maintain the distance and expand it more until it became an ocean between the two of you. 

You weren’t supposed to miss him. You couldn’t miss him. He wasn’t yours to miss. 

You began to distance yourself from him by choosing to eat your lunch with your friends, by leaving class as soon as the bell rang, by spending your time in the dance studio, by responding to his texts with short and brief responses.

You knew it wasn’t fair to him, but you made the mistake of letting yourself get too close to him and you were too scared to admit to yourself what your actual feelings for him were. You were especially scared that he didn’t share the same feelings for you.

You’re sure he doesn’t even miss you, although you can practically hear your conscience scoff and tell you that you know damn well he does. You’re stubborn and refuse to allow yourself think, much less dream about Kuroo and you.

The bell had signaled the end of class and the school day. You begin to pack up your things quickly, checking your phone for a text from your dance partner at the studio you practice at on the weekends. Gathering your school bag and dance bag, you wave goodbye to your friends.

You're near the shoe cubbies and are about to change your shoes when your phone beeps and you see it’s a message from your dance partner. You open it to respond, not noticing the looming figure behind you. 

“Y/N?”

Your head snaps up and you internally curse as you take in the tall boy you had been avoiding. He’s handsome as ever, but his normally bright and sly golden eyes are regarding you with something akin to upset.

“Ah, Kuroo.”

He raises an eyebrow at your short response. Two weeks of barely speaking and not seeing each other and that’s all you had to say? 

He’s irritated because you seem to be perfectly fine. There’s not a hint of sadness in you, your eyes don’t radiate warmth and light like they usually do when they focus on him, and he hates that it’s so obvious that he’s the one that’s been missing you alone this entire time.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” He states shortly, the irritation he feels is also evident in his voice.

You blink at him in shock, you hadn’t expected him to say it so directly, but it’s Kuroo, he’s always been straight to the point when it came to what he wants.

You move your eyes away from him, his stare intense and smoldering into yours. “I’ve been busy with school and dance practice. I-” You were going to elaborate more, give more excuses, but you tell yourself you don’t owe him that. You remind yourself that an ocean needs to exist between the two of you.

Kuroo scoffs, “Why are you avoiding me Y/N? It’s been over two weeks. I never see you anymore and you barely respond to my texts-” A beep from your phone cuts him off. It’s your dance partner, he’s waiting for you at the gates of Nekoma. 

Quickly changing your shoes and typing out a response to your partner, you barely glance at Kuroo and mutter out, “I need to go Kuroo.”

“Y/N-” Kuroo starts, his eyes narrowing in irritation, but you’re already speedily walking away from him and he sees someone he hasn't seen before at the gates. A tall male who looks at least a year or two older. He’s not in uniform and he’s most definitely not from Nekoma based on the casual clothes he’s donning. He has on a short sleeved black t-shirt, blue jeans ripped at the knees and long-ish wavy black hair. He has tattoos on his arm and Kuroo’s eyes widen in surprise as you reach to hug the stranger.

His arms wrap around your waist and he lifts you off your feet to spin you around gently, you giggle and whine for him to put you down. He laughs at you before putting you down. Kuroo watches the tall boy take your dance bag from you and sling it over his shoulder. You link your arm through his and as the two of you walk away, Kuroo feels anger course through his veins, feel anger coil in the pit of his stomach. 

He’s terribly jealous and he hates that the foreign feeling he’s never really felt before is so easy to identify. He hated seeing the sight of you so obviously happy, your eyes are bright and your lips stretched into a pretty smile for that person. He hated that the stunning look on your face that’s always been directed at him was now directed at someone that wasn’t him. 

Kuroo didn’t understand why you were pulling away from him. Everything had seemed fine at first, but then slowly, you weren’t available during lunch, you sent him short responses to the texts he would send you, you left school before he could pick you up and, you ignored him when you would bump into each other in the halls. You were slipping away from him and he absolutely hated it.

He hated it because he missed the moments the two of you would share. It wasn’t the hot and heavy make out sessions he missed most, no, he missed your presence and warmth the most. 

He missed going to your class to steal you away for lunch on the rooftop. He missed you feeding him bites of your lunch because yours always looked more appetizing and was more delicious in general. He missed having his head resting on your lap, your hand running through his messy hair, making him groan and purr in pleasure. He missed texting you throughout the day, sending you endless memes. 

He missed the sound of your laughter as he would tickle your sides when you would sass him back. He missed you visiting him during practice to drop off treats for the team. He missed sneaking in quick kisses throughout the day, be it on your lips, cheek, nose, forehead or jaw. He missed calling you kitten. He missed having you in his arms. 

He missed you so fucking much and what made it worse was, you were never really his to begin with. 

x

You were walking home from practice at the dance studio, your body ached but you felt confident about the choreography. You were excited to teach it to the team and you had a good feeling in your being that this would secure the team the win at the final competition. 

The sun was setting, the sky shifting from the burnt orange to pinks and purples. You had earphones plugged in, but the song softly playing didn’t register as your thoughts had once again focused on Kuroo. It had been roughly a month now since you had distanced yourself from him. You’ve successfully created an ocean between the two of you and it absolutely broke your heart.

You had put a stop to whatever the two of you had going on because of the feelings you had for the provocative captain. It was so very easy to fall into the mysterious depths that was one Kuroo Tetsurou. If allowed to pass through his iron wall defenses that could rival the physical one from the Dateko Volleyball team, one would be exposed to the kind, and gentle oversized cat that was Kuroo.

You’re not sure why you got the privilege that very few did, but all it did was make your heart soften as it witnessed and experienced Kuroo Tetsurou. Being able to laugh with him, to feel his arms wrapped around you, to feel his lips worship your skin, to tease him for being such a nerd, to the love that grew, bloomed in your heart, and enveloped your entire body. You fell in love with him and that was so fucking scary.

The beginnings of your relationship with Kuroo was established at the start of the school year and you enjoyed his presence, his friendship, but then it evolved into one of kisses and bodies pressed together at any given chance. The two of you had agreed on keeping things casual because neither of you were looking to get into a relationship. 

From there, your relationship continued normally, except now there was the addition of lips and bodies fusing together, the addition of making things intimate and heated. 

You can’t help but wonder when it happened, when your heart decided that Kuroo was who it would latch onto and leave you in the dark, oblivious to how you truly felt about him. Or maybe, your heart chose him and maybe you always did know that it was him. That it would always be him. 

Dancing was your first love, your only love. Your body lived and breathed dancing. Your figure flowing and moving to the beats, rhythm, sound of music, silence and your thoughts. Dance was your first experience with love. You wonder when your heart had placed Kuroo above dance. You wonder when the heart you poured into your dance routines were no longer simply inspired by your drive and passion for dance and instead has become the heart that had chosen to fall in love with him and inspire you. You wonder when your first love expanded and willingly accepted Kuroo. You wonder why love worked in mysterious and unfair ways.

You think about the times Kuroo had managed to catch you dancing, his eyes focused on your form as you danced with the heart that chose him, that used the love you felt for him into your movements. You wonder if he could see how terribly in love you were with him, if he could feel the love you had for him in your dance routines. 

You should have known that your increased passion for dance was inspired by him. You were already passionate and driven, but he increased it ten-fold. He always inspired you and motivated you to push yourself, to make your art evolve and that led to dances from the heart and soul fueled by the love you had for him. 

You love Kuroo Tetsurou.

You sigh as you come to terms with your thoughts and feelings. Normal people in love would try to confess or do something about their feelings. You ran as far away as you could from him. You pushed him away and broke your own heart before he could even get the chance to.

Your eyes water and you will yourself to stop, because this, this wasn’t you. You were stronger than this. Yeah, you went and fell in love with the one person who couldn’t love you back because his focus was solely on volleyball, but that doesn’t mean your life, your priorities have to end. 

You would bury these feelings, you would study, you would avoid, avoid, avoid, until you graduated and healed yourself from the heart you handed to Kuroo to shatter against his iron walls. And most importantly, you would dance. You were going to take back your first love and heal the cracks that were made in it from expanding to accommodate him. You were going to dance until it stopped hurting.

x

Kuroo couldn’t take it anymore. Two months. It’s been two fucking months since you had pulled away from him. He was always so irritable and angry. He made practice hell for the team, he poured all his energy into volleyball, and yet, you still occupied his mind.

It wasn’t fair. He so badly wanted to know what changed. He wanted to know why you left him. He wanted to know why he wasn’t enough for you. He never asked and he never pushed, because as much as it broke his fucking heart to see you avoid him, he would never force you to give him the reason why. 

He had come to the unfair realization that he was in love with you before you had left him. He remembers it so clearly, the moment he realized that what the two of you shared was not just casual. It was something so much more. 

He realizes he loves you when you’re studying with him and Kenma one day at his house. The three of you are sitting at his dining table; him and Kenma sitting next to each other and you sitting across from him. Kenma at one point sighs and pulls out his PSP to play a game because he was tired of studying. 

He remembers you smiling softly at his best friend and asking him about the game he was playing. Your fingers setting down your own pencil as you listened to him explain the game. His hand had unconsciously reached for yours, his large and calloused hands intertwining with your small and soft one. He played with your slender fingers, pulling and tugging gently, ignoring your raised eyebrow as you continue to speak to Kenma. 

He laced your fingers together, opening and closing them, lacing them together several times before coming to the realization that your hand fit perfectly in his. The warmth radiating from your intertwined hands made his heart race and his very being ignite with this calming epiphany - he was in love with you and he always wanted your hand in his.

He gently brought your intertwined hands to his lips, brushing his lips against your knuckles. He saw you look at him inquisitively and he had just winked at you and kissed the top of your hand before placing your joined hands on the table. He didn’t let go for the remainder of the time the three of you were together. 

Kenma had noticed and it was after you had gone home that he had simply stated, “You figured it out?”

Kuroo had grinned and said, “I love Y/N.”

“I know.”

“I’m going to tell her. I don’t know when, but I will. I love her, Kenma.”

And then, barely a week later, you began to pull away from him, untangling your fingers together from his memory until you were gone and he was left to deal with the ache in his chest. God, he fucking missed you so much. 

Kuroo sighed as he gathered his things and locked up the gym. The sun had set and practice had ended half an hour ago. Everyone had left, including Kenma, who wanted to rush home to play a new game. He was once again left with his thoughts and all he could do was run his hand through his hair as he moved away from the gym.

He was thinking whether to get something to eat from the convenience store when he hears music. He moves his head around to locate the source when he sees light from the other gym on the Nekoma campus.

He taps at his phone screen, immediately lighting up to reveal the lockscreen picture of the two of you. You were leaning against his chest, looking at the camera and he was smiling softly and looking down at you. Yaku had taken the picture sneakily one day when you had visited to watch the boys practice and everyone was walking towards the train station after securing snacks. Yaku had sent it to him later that night with a text saying, “ask her to be your girlfriend soon or i’ll do it for you loser.” 

He checks the time and it’s late and he wonders who could still be here. He walks towards the sound and peeps in through the door and freezes.

It’s you.

You’re dancing alone in the empty gym and he’s in awe. The music is a sad but powerful instrumental. You’re dancing like it’s your last chance to, and he thinks he falls in love with you again. Your movements are fluid and the choreograph is intense as you spin and jump around the gym before finally crumpling to the floor as the music ends.

He hears you sigh and eventually you move to stand. You push your hair away from your face and turn to face him. You freeze as your eyes lock with his. Kuroo takes note of what you’re wearing, black leggings and an oversized black t-shirt bunched up beneath your breasts and tied into a knot that looked awfully like the one he gave you to wear one day.

“Y/N”

x

You hadn’t expected to see Kuroo. You hadn’t expected to hear your name from his lips ever again. Yet, here you both were. Your heart is pounding in your chest and you look away from his golden eyes. 

You fidget as you feel his gaze on you, you feel so exposed and you pray he can’t tell that you want nothing more than to just run into his arms and cry into his chest how much you miss him and love him. 

It’s so quiet, you’re sure he can hear the sound of your heart thumping in your chest because he’s here, he’s here in front of you and you’re still terribly in love with him despite all your efforts to get over him, to forget him.

“Y/N, look at me.”

You intentionally keep your head low, your eyes avoiding his gaze. You hear his footsteps and they get closer and closer to you until they’re an arm length away. You’re trembling, you want to run, but fuck, you’re so fucking tired of running from him.

“Y/N, please, look at me. Please.” Kuroo pleads, and yet, you still keep your eyes trained on the ground. 

Kuroo sighs and suddenly, his large hands are sliding up the sides of your face and tilting your head up until your eyes lock onto his. Your eyes widen and you feel a blush rising but you will it to stay down. 

“Oh. Hi, kitten.” He breathes out softly, his fingers still gently cradling your face in his hands and immediately tears well in your eyes. His eyes are molten gold and they’re full of so much emotion, you’re scared to name what they are. Instead, you shakily let out a breath and say, “Hi, Kuroo.”

“I miss you. I miss you so fucking much Y/N.” Kuroo says gently, the pad of his thumb gently caressing your cheekbone. You close your eyes as he says those words and when you open them again, he’s still staring at you as if he can’t believe you’re there.

“I- Why, Y/N? Why did you leave me?” He murmurs softly. You want to cry. You so desperately want to cry because the look on Kuroo’s face is one of utter heartbreak and you want to make it go away. 

“Because it hurt. It hurt so fucking much falling in love with you and knowing you didn’t feel the same way.” You whisper finally, your voice thick with emotion, your heart threatening to jump from the safe walls of your body.

“What?” Kuroo whispers in shock. You look up at him and you see the shock all over his handsome face.

“Don’t-don’t make me repeat it please. I just, I had to pull away. I fell in love with you and we were just casual because neither of us wanted a relationship, but then, my heart chose you before I knew it and I wanted to be with you and you, you became so much more to me than just a friend with benefits. I fell in love with you, but it hurt so fucking much knowing that you didn’t feel the same way, so I had to protect myself and I left. I left you because being in love with you meant forcing myself to be okay with being casual and never anything more and I-I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t put myself through that.” You rush out, spilling your heart and minds content to Kuroo after two months.

Your cheeks are flushed, tears have spilled from your eyes and he’s looking at you in shock and finally speaks.

“Y/N, I love you. I love you, so please fucking come back to me and be mine.” He pleads, his golden eyes are frantic and full of what you can finally decipher as surprise, happiness, honesty and so so so much love. 

“I’ve been trying to understand why you left me and I was going to confess, kitten. I was going to confess, but then you pulled away before I could tell you. God, kitten, I’ve been a mess without you. I’ve been so irritable and made life hell for the guys and I just want to love you, Y/N. Please, let me love you. Please come back to me and be mine.” 

You nod your head and immediately his hands drop from your face and he’s gathering you in his arms, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist and your arms reach up to wrap around his neck and your legs wrapping around his waist and his face buried in your neck. He’s shaking, you’re shaking, you’re both shaking, because finally. 

“For two of the smartest people in school, we’re such idiots.” Kuroo says into your neck and you let out a choked sob-laugh as your arms tighten around his neck.

Kuroo is muttering ‘I love you’ into your neck, his lips brushing against your neck. You gently pull away from him, his arms underneath your thighs, supporting your body as you look into his eyes.

“I love you.”

And then, he says, “I’m going to kiss you now.”

His lips descend onto yours and you both sigh happily as your lips meet. Soft, urgent, and full of love. Kuroo tightens his hold on you, pulling your body closer to his. Your hands are in his hair, tousling the soft bed head even more. Your legs tighten around him and his hands are splayed on the exposed skin of your waist, the warmth from his hands radiating all over your body. 

His lips move to kiss your cheek and move down to nip and kiss at your jaw. You let out a moan as your fingers tighten in his hair. You missed this so much, you missed him so much.

He’s peppering soft kisses on the column of your neck, moving back up to pepper kisses at your jaw, before finally pressing his lips to yours one last time. He pulls back and you’re flushed from happiness. He’s radiating happiness just as much and he spins you around gently. Laughter spills from your lips and he’s never been more relieved to hear the sound once again.

Finally setting you down, his arms stay loosely wrapped around your waist. You’re looking up at him and you can’t believe this is real, that you love him and he loves you back. 

“Kitten?”

“Tetsurou.” He smiles at your use of his first name.

“How about we go back to my place and form a covalent bond?”

You look up at him and groan. “Tetsu!”

Kuroo grins and laughs, “Come on! That was funny kitten! Also, I’m totally being serious.”

You give him a pointed look and he kisses you gently, “It’s been two months! I’ve been deprived of my kitten. Besides, where’s the girl who just professed her love for me huh?”

You pout and whine, “Tetsuuu!” Kuroo chuckles and laces your hands together, bringing it up to his lips to brush a kiss on your knuckles. You smile and he winks at you. 

“Let’s go home, kitten.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you all for reading! pls look forward to any future fics from me! i'm currently working on a oikawa x reader one and oOF !! it's gonna be a ride !! anyways, watch haikyuu and continue to fall in love with the best boys ever <3


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